Saturday, April 24, 2010

A Stick of Butter

How can I do this absolutely perfectly and still lose only one pound?!?! I know...I should be happy--12 pounds in 14 days, and you say it that way, it's great. But, 11 pounds the first week, and 1 the second, is a little defeating, even though it's an entire stick of butter! I'm just going to tell myself, it's because I've been sick, and my body is more focused on killing germs than burning fat. But, it does feel like a neverending journey, with some disappointing sightgs along the way. I suppose though, the only thing I can do is to move forward. If I quit, I gain--so there really isn't another option. So, here's to the next seven days. I can do this, right?

Thursday, April 22, 2010

When I grow up...

When I grow up:
  1. I'm going to stop trying to impress people.
  2. I'm going to stop trying to be clever and witty while trying to impress them.
  3. I'm going to stop thinking that I'm not good enough and so I need to be clever and witty to impress people who honestly are probably just trying to be clever and witty themselves.
  4. I'm going to love this person that God created me to be.
  5. I'm going to not feel guilty for leaving my children while I'm working.
  6. I'm going to not feel guilty for being with my children and neglecting my work.
  7. I'm going to lose the word guilt from my vocabulary.
  8. I'm going to stop trying to use guilt to make my husband, my children, my mom, my congregation to do what I want them to do.
  9. I'm going sit down and not think I should be doing laundry.
  10. I'm going to sit down and not think for an entire two minutes.
  11. I'm going to stop thinking that the world should revolve around what I want and complain when I don't get it.
  12. I'm going to stop complaining....
Damn, this growing up thing looks kind of difficult. Maybe I should just be content exactly where I am...

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Pounds, Parishioners, and Parenting....

11 pounds gone! 11 pounds in one week; I know, I know--healthy weight loss is 1-2 lbs a week, but this is fabulous! I followed the program to the letter, took the "free day" yesterday, and am back at it today! I need to do a little better at spacing my meals, but other than that I really like it! Week Two, here we come.

I've decided that I love Jesus...I'm just not too fond of the friends that he brings with him. It would be a hell of a lot easier if I could just have him, and everyone else went their merry way.

And finally, to round out my title--why do children behave so much better for other people?!?!? Bean actually ate his mac and cheese today at a friend's house, but consumes nothing but fruit roll-ups here...I've really got to throw those away!

So, I close this day that feels like three, with a prayer for shalom for all the thousands of lurking readers out there...

Friday, April 16, 2010

Where is Jesus?

Where is Jesus?
On the cross. On the way. In the light. In a child's smile. When we gather. In each other. In the woman that makes me feel so inferior. In the homeless man standing at the turn onto Cicero at Midway. In a challenge. Hidden. Gathering our prayers. Where we least expect him.

And what happens when he meets us...because that's what it is, isn't it? He meets us. We try and try to get closer to him, don't we? We try to pray more, to read more, to be nicer more, to sit and meditate more, to reach for him. And although that might make us more willing and open to receive him. He meets us--like he met Saul, as we're breathing threats of death and murder, or the disciples, who threw in the towel and went fishing. They weren't trying to see Jesus--hell, he was right in front of them, and didn't see him. But, Jesus met them in spite of themselves. And when he did, their world changed...for the first time, and yet again...and Saul was sent to proclaim the same gospel of those whom he killed; and the disciples were sent on a journey that led to the same fate.

Jesus meets us time and time again. And when he does, our entire lives are transformed. When he does, we'll never be the same...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Three Gracious Minutes

Elijah Bean--3 years old

Isaac--9 years old
Evelyn--6 years old

When I look at them in pictures, I think that I must be so lucky--to have been blessed by such beautiful, grace-filled children. But, more often than not, I forget...I forget when they are yelling 'idiot' and 'I hate you!' I forget when it's 3am and Evelyn wants to sleep with us for the 500th night in a row and is yelling 'your daughter is sad in here--don't you care about me?!?!' I forget about it when Elijah is crying because he wants the green cup...not the blue one; and milk, not water...I forget about it when Isaac wants to do nothing, but play on the computer and talking to me is about the last thing he ever wants to do.
But then...then there are moments like tonight, when I'm tucking them in bed and singing the same song for the 1000th time, and Elijah looks at me, and smiles--'I love you mama' and he's slowly closing his eyes, fighting that last moment of sleep. And an entire week of feeling like the worst mother in the world ends with my precious babies in their beds, and me seeing a glimpse of grace. I pray I remember this moment tomorrow when they're slamming each others' fingers in the door and literally dragging poor Patches the cat around by its tail...

Monday, April 12, 2010

I've lost a dumbbell...

So, I began this last leg of my weight loss journey on my birthday. I vowed to myself, to my husband, to God, to all things holy and things well....not holy, that by my 35th birthday I will be at my goal weight of 159 pounds (an arbitrary number, yes...but, one that is on the actual chart of what normal people weigh! Never been on a chart, except of course the nylon ones, but the letter I wear is too big to actually confess to.). Anyway, I began with fabulous intentions (like always), I started a new reward system where I sent six of my greatest friends $10, and they were to each buy me a present (I love presents!), and I started counting my points and doing well...for an entire day! And then I ate some chocolate and some more chocolate and decided I would never succeed, always fail, and I would just gain more weight--at least I would get to eat whenever and whatever I wanted!
I then heard about this program through a friend of mine, and decided to attend the seminar. Of course leading up to the day (April 18), I ate everything I could get my hands on (seriously in one day I had two milky ways, 3 McDonald's cookies, a dijornio pizza, and ice cream...I think I probably threw an apple in there for good measure), and of course gained three more pounds since my 34th bday weight...
And then I went to this five hour class...and honestly things started to click. I have never been a gimic follower, a celebrity adorer, or someone who tries the latest, greatest thing..but, for some reason, this guy makes perfect sense. There's a lot more too it, but in a nutshell, you get your own tailored program...I get 1510 calories a day; I can't eat more than 450 calories at one sitting; and once I'm done eating a meal, I have to wait at least 3 hours to eat again. Other than that there isn't any rules--none! And...are you ready for this!?!?! Since following this for three entire days (I know, but at least it's biblical) I've lost 8 pounds! Eight pounds! Some water weight, sure; some not consuming 10,000 calories a day, sure; but, nonetheless, I've lost 8 pounds! As this guy says, he threw me a lifeline, and I'm pulling myself in.
So, 342 days, 49 weeks, and 65 pounds to go!

Friday, April 9, 2010

You Get All of Me...

They say, on those "how to write a blog" sites, to only focus on one aspect of your life. Pick one--if that doesn't work for you, try something else. I can't...I am who I am no matter where I am...and am about as corherent as that last statement. The girl you get in the pulpit is the same girl who yells at her children--actually I've been known to yell at my children from the pulpit. I write my sermons with my kids bouncing on the bed next to me, and I relate my failures with weight loss to anyone who will listen--hence the blog, where I just make up people who are listening. There's no letting go of my work at 5:00pm, and there's no ignoring my baby just because I'm leading worship--so, in this place you'll get it all: musings about parenthood, the lastest gossip about the church basement, and the never-ending complaints about the 70 pounds which like my ass a whole lot. So welcome to the Rocky Mountains (as my flatlander Kansas husband calls me)....this is going to be one hell of a year.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Gotta Start Somewhere....Again.

1000 times I've failed. Most likely next week, I'll say 1001; but, for this day, I have to try again. Life's a journey, right? So, my goal for tomorrow--lose weight, don't yell at my children, write a fabulous life-chaging sermon, and maybe take a nap. Nothing like changing everything all at once. So, here's to you, first post...shalom.