Monday, April 25, 2011

Day One.

So, apparently I can either post pics or write--I'm not smart enough to figure out how to do both!  So, here's the thing...since my bday, I've been a little depressed.  It was really hard to have this goal in front of me and have the day pass...I did fairly well, but since then I've been a little aimless.  I haven't been sure what to do next...So, here it is.  Actually there are two, but this is the first one.  And honestly, none of you are going to believe me, because I've tried it before.  But, one of the times has to be the last time I try.  So, right now I have officially been off diet coke for 21 hours.  I know this may seem like a small thing, but let me brutally honest here.  On any given day I will buy four large McDonald's Diet Cokes (in fact I know the drive-thru window girls by name--even bought them birthday presents.); in addition to the money I spent there, I will also drink anywhere from 2-4...okay 5 more cans.  Literally I had a diet coke in my hand at all times.  I woke up thinking when I would get my first one; when I finished one, I would plan when I would get the next one.  This is wrong on so many levels (I get that!), I'm stopping--cold turkey.  Because what I want is to be kinder to my body; I want to find joy in life in things other than those damn plastic cups; I want to deal with my frustrations instead of going through the drive-thru to ease my anxiety; I want to NOT be a failure!  And this time I'm going to do it.  How long?  I have no idea...but for now, it's one day down; tomorrow I will do the same (if I remember correctly days two and three are the hardest!).  So, I ask for your support and Steve and my children ask for you prayers.  Until tomorrow...
ps.  goal number two is following Dave Ramsey (no diet coke and no shopping?!?!?  I'm not sure life is worth it.

Finally some pics!

Me Quite Surprised!
Me and My Adorable Husband, Steve

Me and my Mom and Daddy.  If you say I look like my mom...

Me and my good friend, Laura--one of the only appropriate friend pics I could share...

Me and Steve


Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Sermon and more

First of all my birthday party was absolutely fabulous! It was perfect; even if I had planned it, I wouldn't have changed a thing. The few pics that were taken are on a different computer, so I'll try and post more later. However, since then, I've been a little depressed--I knew this would happen, but it's been hard...looking forward to something for so long--having a huge goal in front of me, and then all of a sudden having it gone. So, I'm in the process of making some new goals, which I'll share later, but for now, I'm posting my sermon that I preached at the pastor's conference meeting today...until next time...

The telegrams all read the same: "The Secretary of War regrets to inform you that your son was killed in action. Stop. Further details will be forwarded to you as they become available." Stop. There was absolutely no way to argue. No questions you could ask. No more information you could glean. Your son is dead. Stop. And in an instant, the stone rolls in front of your tomb.
There’s a spot on the x-ray. We need to do more tests. Come back in immediately. Stop.
There doesn’t seem to be a heartbeat. It’s nothing you did. You can always try again for another baby. Stop.
Things just aren’t working out as planned. We have a call into the bishop. The council is waiting to speak with you. Stop.
And the stone rolls in front of your tomb.
In an instant, that massive boulder blocks your only way out, and all that air and light and breath and spirit is sucked away and you are left alone--bound to the darkness, and your only path of escape has turned into a wall in front of you. For awhile, you might cling to that shred of hope…that maybe the test was wrong, maybe they’ll change their minds, maybe some miracle will happen. And so you fight; you scream for help; you dig at the walls; try and claw your way to the outside. And then when you fall into a heap on the floor, sobbing with exhaustion and weary with sorrow, you finally give in.
For when the end has come; when the lights have dimmed, when the air is heavy and your breath has slowed, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Full Stop.
Her brother wasn’t able to hear the rolling of the stone as it sealed his fate forever. But, she was, and running toward Jesus, the sound echoed in her ears. “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Stop. If only…there’s nothing more to be done now. It’s been four days Jesus…the stench, the darkness, the sobbing, his death. If only, Lord. If only… Stop. And a stone rolls in front of her tomb.
“Show me,” he says, “show me this full stop you talk of.”
“Come and see what we say is true,” the sisters answer. “Come and see the one you love.”
And for a moment Jesus stops too. For a moment the weeping he hears is his own. For a moment he feels the light and the breath and the spirit being sucked out of the room. For a moment the stone rolls in front of the tomb. But then…then the wonder of God begins and Jesus speaks a Word.
Because it seems Jesus doesn’t understand those stops the way we do…for Jesus full stops are merely a beginning of an ellipsis…a segue into something else, into something greater. For Jesus, a full stop, is the beginning of where the glory of God is about to be made known.
And Jesus speaks into the death; In a moment, with a word, Jesus gives life. “Take away that stone,” he commands. “Lazarus, come out! Unbind him from the death that surrounds him; and let him come to me. For when I enter the world…when I speak a word, this stop nonsense ends…and life…new life begins. And in a moment—all that light and breath and spirit fills the darkness; and the dead are raised; the blind see; the captive set free; and all that stop nonsense falls like bands of cloth to the floor.
And you know the most wonderful thing—we don’t have to literally be dead behind the stone to receive it. We don’t have to wait for some day when Jesus comes again and we live together in the resurrection. Jesus rolls the stone away; Jesus speaks a word of new life to be experienced, to be lived right now. For whatever your tomb, whatever your stone, whatever full stop you hear ringing in your ears. Jesus speaks, and the glory of God shines.
There’s this great commercial I’ve seen played a couple times recently for the Rockford Rescue Mission—you see a number of people holding up cardboard signs, and on the front, their tomb: fixed on drugs reads one; had run out of chances read another; nowhere to go reads a third. Stone Rolled. Tomb Shut. Stop.
And then you can almost hear Jesus whisper…roll the stone away. And a smile of joy spreads across each face, and they turn over those cardboard signs. Fixed on drugs…Fixed on Life. Run out of chances…Given one more. Has no-where to sleep…Home has found me. When Jesus speaks, new life abounds…stones roll away, and full stops are transformed.
I wonder…I wonder what it’s like to emerge from that tomb. To walk outside and feel the rush of fresh air; to be stepping on the linens that have kept you bound. Because most of the time I forget the sound of that stone. The front of my cardboard sign would read—Got a job—got a family—got a home. Doing just fine on my own.
And I deceive myself into thinking, there are no stops in my world; there is no stone for Jesus to roll away. Until I take a moment, and look down at my feet and see myself bound by my inability to trust myself; and I look at my knees and feel the linens pulled tighter because I find my solace in food; and as I begin to lose my balance there’s a stone that begins to move in front of me, and I realize all those little deaths I experience, the loneliness I feel in a crowded room, the children I love but long to run from, the congregation that thinks I should save them…all those little deaths have me bound inside a tomb, I never even knew I was in; have surrounded me in full stops, that keep me blinded and in darkness.
Might Jesus have a word for me too? Might Jesus not only roll away the stones of Lazarus, and the dying, and the outwardly and obviously broken, but might he also speak to each one of us, to those of us dying in tombs we never knew we were in. Might Jesus have a word for even us jaded, brilliant pastors who are too busy trying to roll away the stones of others? Might Jesus have a word for you? I think he might…To each one of you Jesus speaks: Come out. You are no longer bound by the death that surrounds you. The stone is gone and you are free. For when I enter the world…when I speak a word, this stop nonsense ends…and new life…your new life begins.