71 Days to Go...

Two fabulous things happened today:
One:  I did not yell even once today at my children!  Not once!
Two:  I did not succumb to the temptation to take a free day; it was a really, really difficult thing, but I did it!
Oh and Three:  I'm fulfilling my promise to blog every day.

Thank you friends; see you tomorrow!

72 days to go...

Hi!  First of all I would like to thank all of my friends for reminding me of my promise.  In my defense, my computer died...and although fbooking and emailing doable from an ipod, blogging is not!  So, I'm stealing Steve's and checking in. 
Let me tell you I've had one good week (as far as the program goes; ask me about my children, and the answer would be exactly the opposite).  But, I'm going to stay positive today.
So, I've absolutely stayed on this week.  And, guess what?  I cooked an actual dinner from scratch!  Like I used seasonings and everything!  And it was good!  Imagine that. AND...who knew it could get better?  I've done the couch to 5k thing, and am doing the running part at 5mph...that is fast for me (ask my brother Matt the nickname he gave me when I was 12--hint:  brother to Luigi, because of my ridiculous running)!  I've decided to do week one a number of times...just to give my feet a break...who says RA has to de-rail you?  Anyway...let me just say I'm proud of myself.  I'm going to accomplish this.  I'm going to have one area of this chaotic life of mine, that is under control and going in a positive direction!  And, I could not do this without each one of you--knowing that I have people praying and cheering for me keeps me from binging at 3:30 in the afternoon!
Now, if I could keep my kids from killing each other...life would be pretty damn perfect! 
Until tomorrow...

77 Days to Go. No post today...just checkin' in.

78 Days to Go...

Really all I need or want to say is "I'M HUNGRY!!!"  Okay, that's it; aren't you so glad you're a follower of such a verbose blogger?

Pressing the Restart Button...

When I began this journey, I was keeping a journal; each night I would record how I did, how I felt, how many days had gone by and how many were left until my birthday.  It was exciting to see how far I was coming and to see how long I had left.  That worked for about 200 days.  Then I started to get freaked out...what if I didn't succeed?  what if I gained?  what if?  what if?  So, I did what any self-respecting person would do, I stopped journalling, stopped counting down the days, and stopped holding myself accountable.  Right now, this is simply about losing weight.  This is about finishing something that I started.  Will I make it to my goal?  I have absolutely no idea.  But, will I journal here in front of all of you, every single day?  Yes.  Will I turn 35 knowing that I tried, and failed, and wandered, and succeeded in this journey that will last me the rest of my life?  Hell yes! 
So, here I go.  286 days day; 79 to go.  Today I followed my program; and for those of you who really know me, it was Day 1 without a McD Diet Coke--there are a few other changes going on in our lives as well (damn you Dave Ramsey!).  More on that later...
So, until tomorrow...

Some pics, some thoughts, and a challenge...

Me--at the beginning; I am quite the happy camper!

Me and My husband (who has lost 60 pounds) at my baby sister's wedding.  Here I feel like a happy camper.

My whole happy camping family!  Evelyn (6), Elijah (3), Isaac (9)

Alright, so even I can see I've changed.  I'm now un-officially at the size I was when I got married...although not the same shape; it's kind of amaing what shifts around after you've given birth to three beautiful babies!  I just put on the outfit that I wore when Steve proposed to me...and it was actually kind of big! 

Here's the thing though:  nine months ago, I set a goal--that I would be at my goal weight by my 35th birthday.  I do feel good...but, I'm not at that goal yet...still about 35-40 pounds to go.  I want to succeed at this--If I don't, I won't feel like a failure (at least today), but I'd like to do this, to accomplish this, to feel like I set my sights on something and didn't bail when things got difficult.  I want to move into a size I've never been in before--I want to wear an Ann Taylor dress for my birthday party!   

So, here's what I'm going to do; first, I'm being gracious with myself during the holiday season...I simply cannot resist all this damn frosting that meets me on every cookie!  But beginning January 01, my marathon begins!  I am going to go free-day-less!  And, I'm going to enlist the help and support of my friends--real and virtual.  First, Jan 01, I'm blogging everyday (I know you'll believe it, when you read it!), and you all will hear my rants, ravings, and cravings.  Two, here's a challenge--if you're a TNCer, it requires no freedays; if you're a weight watcher, it's no flex points, if you're another dieter it's whatever your system on perfection...if you choose to accept it you'll put $15-20 into a pot...whoever goes the longest without a free day, w/o using flex points, w/o cheating...you get the pot!  If we all succeed, at my birthday (since it's my challenge, I get to pick the date!), we will take all the money and go out for a big, splurgy, calorie-laen dinner!  If you want to join me, leave a post!  If you want to support me, do the same! 

A new invention...

    I think someone needs to invent the following:  some sort of device where you look into it and you truly see yourself as you are.  I know...if you're an obnoxious soul like my husband, you're saying..."ummm...a mirror?"  But, there's something about a mirror that doesn't quite work.  I think there must be this haze that goes over it when you peer into it...a haze that is full of all your doubts, all those "miss piggy's" you've heard, all those "you'll never be good enough's;" so the reflection that greets your eyes is one that makes all those things come true; one where no matter what stands in front of it, truly will never measure up to anything worthwhile. 
   Now, I know I'm only half-way through this weight loss journey...but from what other people say...and truthfully, the way my clothes fit, I should be seeing someone different gazing back through the frame.  But, I don't.  I still see someone who takes up too much space...someone simply not smart enough to make a difference in the world.  Now, this is not the "Sarah's going to moan and complain so you'll all compliment me and tell me how wonderful I am..."  Because, there is a difference between hearing those things and believing them; between wearing smaller pants, and actually feeling transformation deep within your soul and seeing that reflected in the mirror.  Part of me knows I have to be changing, and yet a bigger part (no pun intended) keeps telling myself that I am simply a failure who will not succeed at anything I try.  I guess when they (whoever the hell "they" are) say that it's not about the weight...they really mean it.
    So, what to do?  How do I change over 30 years of dialogue that have been cycling through my head?  I do I look in the mirror and believe that no matter what I see, I am loved by God, I am loved by others, and that damn it, I really ought to love myself? 
   When I preach, I end each sermon with a Tuesday faith assignment (because what good is worship if it doesn't still matter on Tuesday?); so my Tuesday assignment is not going to create a new invention...but it's going to be to look in a mirror...to actually look at myself, and see if just maybe I can see a little glimpse of what God might be seeing. 
    I'll let you know how that goes...
   And if you wouldn't mind, look in that mirror yourself...and tell me, who do you see?