Well, it's back to this crazy weight loss journey, that has been going backward for a very, very long time. There are reasons (I started a second job, got a pretty bad case of tendonitis and bursitis in my shoulder, broke my foot...), but really those are just excuses. I still could have eaten the right calories, and not buried my sorrows and loneliness and stress in chocolate.
When I started 18 months ago, I had a goal in mind: be at goal weight by 35th birthday. I was so angry at myself for not getting there (missed it by 30 pounds), but instead of keeping moving forward...well, you know what happened. And, I simply cannot stop beating myself up for it...I can't stop thinking "why start, I'll just fail again." I don't want to go out in public because I know people's first thoughts are "crap, Sarah--why did you let yourself go like that?!?!" I'm tired of hearing myself whining, but I can't seem to just get going...
Anyone have a story where you failed and failed and failed and failed and then didn't? I need help; I need a kick in the substantial ass--I need reminded why this is something important to do...i simply need help.
So, if you don't find me too incredibly annoying, would you mind sharing some thoughts or hope or grace with me!
"Weight loss success" is not something you'll ever achieve and then be done with. It will be a process and that process will continue the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteGees, that's depressing, isn't it?
Still, I think about your post from last week. How you felt that Evelyn changed when your expectations changed. Or rather, your perception of her changed.
Expect to be treated well (especially by yourself.)
Expect to find ways to take care of yourself in the short run that doesn't add to the pain in the long run.
Expect to be a person who is too busy being joyful to have time to beat herself up.
And, when things get really dark and not even the "God loves me" mantra is working, try this:
Sarah, you're beautiful and smart. You are a good mother and pastor and friend. It hurts my heart that you can't see the awesome that I see in you. So, until you do, trust me. I'm not related to you by blood nor married to you, so I don't HAVE to say nice things. I'm saying them because they're true.
Beating yourself up into vibrant, joyful health doesn't seem to be working. How about trying a little faith?
Love and hugs,
Lora
PS - please feel free to throw these words back in my face.
I agree with the above....and send my love. Be healthy, my friend. I love you! Laura
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