Maybe you've seen this picture posted on facebook...and the story that goes with it about women being beautiful in all shapes and sizes. And honestly, I look at this woman and truly think she is beautiful. But, I look at myself and I think there must be these scales on them (no pun intended); people tell me I'm beautiful (I have friends on this campaign, who tried to get Steve involved...), but I simply don't believe them. And you know what I'm tired of? My own complaining...indeed it does not make me happier; it's actually downright annoying; I listen to the words that come out of my mouth and if someone were saying them, I'd want to slap 'em (thank you to my friends who haven't done that yet). But, so far, there simply hasn't been any amount of cajoling or forcing or convincing my eyes and my heart that the person in the mirror is worth any description other than stupid, fat, and ugly. Now, here's the thing, before you all get freaked out on me...I'm in therapy; I'm at least trying to change that tape recorder in my head. But, I've also decided I need an outlet again; so, I'm back to blogging; back to complaining; back to letting the world know my every thought. And just to show you how crazy I truly am, I'm going to absolutely flip the tables and also start practicing something I've been reintroduced to: gratitude. Go figure. Apparently, says these people, simply listing off the things you're grateful for just might change your perspective on the world (and maybe even on the one in the mirror). So, here is gratitude list #1: Steve
Isaac
Evelyn
Elijah (gotta start somewhere, right...)
oh...and each one of you.
I don't know if it will help or not, but I often find myself coming back to this:
ReplyDelete"How can you give of yourself when you don't really think you're anything worth giving? How can you extend your light when you don't really believe there is any in you? But the light in is is the light of God, and it's there because he put it there. Lack of self-esteem is more arrogant than it is humble, suggesting the idea that God somehow created junk."
You aren't junk, Sarah. And it always amazes me that you think that of yourself that way because I always describe you as beautiful ( I may have said "a curvier Jennifer Garner" more than once). I'm glad you've got a therapist to talk to, and maybe you and I should find more time away from family (both old and young) once in a while.
Hang in there,
Lora